- Be certain to leave those “Shampoos and conditioners” in your checked baggage, but feel free to take your 12″ “Knitting and Crochet Needles”.
- For all those who suffer from chapped lips leave your “Lip gels such as Carmex or Blistex” but feel free to take your “Screwdrivers (seven inches or less in length)”
- For those camping be certain not to put “Bug and mosquito sprays and repellents” in your carry-on, but feel free to take your “Cigar Cutters”.
- Hope you don’t get stuck for too long at the airport because you carry-on needs to be free of “Mouthwash” and “Toothpaste”. Good thing we can still bring that bottle of wine and “Corkscrews”.
Rather than spending money on airline security, or sports stadium security — measures that require us to guess the plot correctly in order to be effective — we’re better off spending money on measures that are effective regardless of the plot. Intelligence and investigation have kept us safe from terrorism in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
For more airline entertainment, check out this article at The Onion.
Paul Asadoorian



